The Seed of Hope

How God Works

How God Works

For the last several days I’ve sat down to write a post titled Feeling God’s Presence. Each time I’ve managed to type in a few sentences, and then come to a screeching halt. No inspiration. No ideas. No words. Nothing! Until a few months ago I would’ve been panic stricken. You see, I used to worry about waking up one morning with “writer’s block”, a syndrome that has abruptly ended the careers of many aspiring authors.

I’ve gotten to the point that I’m not really concerned when it happens, for several reasons. To begin with, I’m certainly not an author by any stretch of the imagination. And though I do write, I don’t consider myself to be a writer.

It goes a bit deeper than that. I write The Seed of Hope primarily for God. It’s my way of giving glory to Him by sharing what He has done, and what He continues to do, in my life. And I write The Seed of Hope with the prayer that something I’ve conveyed to you makes a difference in your walk with Him. Lastly, I write because doing so draws me closer to Him.

So I figure that if God wants me to write something, He’ll give me the right words to convey to you. And that’s exactly what He’s done, for the most part, since The Seed was launched in November of 2008.  

The only times that I’ve had trouble writing was on those occasions when I was trying to steer a particular post in a way other than the way that it seemed to want to “flow”, or when I was trying to share something without, well, without the inspiration to do so.

Apparently, God doesn’t want me to talk about feeling His presence this week! I believe that He wants me to tell you about what He did in my life since last week’s post, Rain. If you didn’t get a chance to read it, I’ll go ahead and tell you that in it I apologized for having misused the opportunity that this platform has given me to help others. And I swear to you, it seems as though that apology, or the act of asking for forgiveness, opened up the heavens for me to be bathed in God’s goodness….

Since last Monday’s post…

On Tuesday morning, I attended a small men’s group associated with Church of The Highlands here in Birmingham. To be in the presence of a group of men from all walks of life with the common goal of drawing closer to God was such a blessing. It seems that “real men” do love Jesus!

Later that Tuesday, I had the blessing, the opportunity, and the privilege of praying with two other individuals in our prayer room, The Seed of Hope office, which is located right in the middle of the salon! I found myself thanking God for His presence in our business, and for allowing me to be a small part of , and a witness to, what He’s doing in that room.

Wednesday night I attended a service at Highlands with my wife Jackie and my Mom (earth shaking…Mom is still a practicing Catholic) so uplifting that it shed any and all of the remaining “junk” that had been on my heart from the previous couple of weeks.

On Thursday night I attended a forty year reunion planning meeting with a gathering of my old friends and classmates from John Carroll Catholic High School and was invited to say a prayer before our meal (of course I prayed for more than just the food!). The following day I received a message from Teresa, one of those old friends from school. Teresa told me that she could sense my spiritual “awakening” and could feel the presence of the Holy Spirit in the room.

On Saturday morning my small men’s group met at the home of a lady that attends Church of The Highlands. This lady, the mother of seven children, had run into a rough spot in her life, and needed some help on the outside of her home. Our small group spent over four hours toiling in the heat, giving her yard and home a good facelift. When we were finished, this teary eye Mom extended her sincere thanks for our efforts, and joined us for prayer in her back yard. During the prayer, I was silently thanking God for allowing me to be a part of the moment.

On Saturday night I was attending another small group that Jackie and I had been hosting in our home. As had been the case for the five previous weeks, God’s presence in our home was so overwhelming. I know that minds were opened, that hearts were touched; I could feel it. I found myself overwhelmed by the fact that this was happening in our home.

On Monday I was invited to share what was on my heart about God, life, and dreams with a group of young adults attending 2:52, a summer internship offered at our church. And that’s exactly what I did. I told them about my addictions, and weaknesses, and all the poor decisions that I had made when I was their age and through my adult years. And then I told them about all of the amazing things, the miracles, and the work that God has done in, through, and around my life. What a blessing it was for me to spend that time with those young people. I pray that I touched the heart of at least one person in that room…

Tuesday

It’s Tuesday, and my self-imposed Monday morning deadline for this week’s post came and went. I was a little concerned that God still hadn’t given me the desire or the inspiration to sit in front of this laptop. I figured that perhaps He had something else in store for me, something else that I needed to learn, or to experience. If not, there would always be next week. Maybe.

Late this morning I got the idea to write about the past week, or more specifically what God saw fit to put in my life. I took a break to have lunch with Jackie, and to check my e-mails. There I found a message from a young lady named Laura, who had found The Seed of Hope through a local publication a couple of months ago, but had just gotten around to visiting a day or so ago. I won’t go into the details of Laura’s message to me. I will tell you that it impacted me greatly, and it reminded me, once again, of why I write these things every week. How very blessed I am.

Look, the events that I’ve told you about may not be a big deal to you, but they were HUGE for me. There was a point a couple of weeks ago when I didn’t feel worthy of writing The Seed of Hope, of being a soldier of Christ, of being a light that shines, or of being anything that I strive to be each day. For Him to put me, to allow me to be in the midst of so many situations where He was present, was quite overwhelming. And I wanted to share it with you.

“God works in mysterious ways.” was one of my Dad’s favorite sayings. I know I’ve shared that one with you before, but it’s so true. We could never, in a million years, figure out what God is thinking, or the way that He works.

Only God could take a man, broken and full of remorse, and give him a week so incredibly uplifting that he felt as if he were standing on a mountain top, basking in God’s incredible light!

Only God. It’s how He works.    

RAIN!

RAIN!

The dry season ended, seemingly as quickly as it had begun. The absence of “feeling” God’s presence, that I shared with you in last week’s post, has been replaced by an infusion of His Spirit that has filled every inch of my mind, body, and soul. I stand in awe of God, completely overwhelmed by what He has allowed me to feel, and to “see”, since I last shared my thoughts with you.

The spiritual dry season that I just came out of was truly a gift from God. I learned a great deal, not during my time in the “desert”, but after I had reentered God’s “spiritual rain forest.” It’s been a week, and I’m still learning lessons from that time when I felt like I was away from Him. In fact, one of those revelations came to me as I was sitting down to write this post, and you’re going to be amazed (at least I was) at how it came to me.

Saul

This past Saturday night I was having a conversation with Saul, a young man who was attending a Bible study group that my wife Jackie and I are hosting in our home. We were talking about my dry season; when it began, how long it lasted, and what it felt like in the midst of it.

During our conversation, Saul was telling me about Jesus’ time in the desert, much of which I already knew. It lasted for forty days, during which Jesus had no food. He was hungry. He was tired. He was alone; almost. He was tempted three times by Satan.

Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the desert to be tempted by the devil. After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. Matthew 4:1-2

What Saul revealed to me that I didn’t know was that Jesus’ real ministry didn’t begin until after his time in the desert. Before that time, He hadn’t even performed His first miracle and He wasn’t the teacher that He would prove to be. It seems as if Jesus’ time in the desert had elevated him to another spiritual level.

Saul’s words stayed with me all weekend. I kept thinking about Jesus’ time in the real desert, deprived of food, what we consider to be essential for life. Yet during that time He not only grew in Spirit and, when He should have been at His weakest, cast aside Satan.

Jesus said to him “Away from me, Satan! For it is written: ‘Worship, the Lord your God, and serve Him only.’” Matthew 4:10

So, Jesus was led to the desert by the Spirit.

This left me posing the questions, “I wonder if I was led by the Spirit into my dry season?” “Is He preparing to take me to another level spiritually?”

Well, I’m quite sure that it was part of God’s plan for me to enter the desert. But unlike Jesus, I don’t believe that I was led by the Spirit to fight the devil. No, I believe that I was led to it by the devil himself. Yep, you read right; I was led by Satan. And it was part of God’s plan.

I’m finding myself being lead to mention Job as a parallel for what happened to me. If you’ve never read the story of Job, which is in the Old Testament, I encourage you to do so. It’s a great lesson in faith, and remaining steadfast, and loving the Lord regardless of what you receive in life.

Here’s a condensed version: Job was a very wealthy man; a righteous, God-fearing, evil-hating man. He was married, with seven sons and three daughters. He had plenty of land, and owned thousands of heads of livestock and animals. He had numerous servants. In other words, Job had it all.

With God’s permission, and as a test of Job’s faith, Satan was allowed to take away everything that Job had in life; EVERYTHING he had. Still, Job’s faith in God, and his love for him, never wavered.

Am I comparing myself to Job? No. Had God allowed Satan to strip me of everything I owned? No, not that either. I used Job as example because we are tested every day. Some of these tests are from God, i.e. teaching us patience, and humility, and love. I’ve said this before, and it bears repeating: Nothing that we receive from God is bad. NOTHING. NO-THING that we receive from God is bad. Everything that we receive from God, even the things that we don’t understand, is part of His plan for us.

Conversely, nothing that we receive from Satan is good. NOTHING. He seeks only to destroy, and ruin, and put as many obstacles between ourselves and God as he possibly can. None of them are good, and like what we receive from God, and like what Job received, many are tests. But that’s where the similarities end. God didn’t bring anything bad into Job’s life, but He certainly allowed it to happen. It was part of his plan for Job.

Sorry for the detour. I don’t know why I felt compelled to talk about Job; I just felt that he should be included. Let’s get back to my being in the desert and how I was led there by the devil.

The night before The Seed of Hope was launched on October 31, 2008, I told God that The Seed was for Him. It was to be a means of telling the world about the amazing things that He had done in my life and sharing what I learned in my spiritual walk with others. The glory and praise would be, not for me, but for Him. I asked Him to give me the words to give to you.

Since that day, I have done exactly that every week. Except for one.

A couple of months ago, I was in a bad place. I won’t go into detail, but something happened in our business the week before that hurt me deeply. I struggled with my emotions, especially my anger. And my pride.

And Satan stepped in. On May 24^th I wrote a post titled Betrayed. (Don’t bother looking for it, because it has been pulled.) Quite honestly, when I wrote it I wasn’t listening for God’s Word, or the Holy Spirit. I wasn’t sharing some amazing thing that God had done in my life, or passing along a nugget of truth that I’d gleaned from my spiritual walk.

If you’ve visited these pages before, you know that I share my personal experiences, both good and bad, with you. I try not to take things personally in life, try not to hold grudges, and try not to get even. But on that one occasion, I did all of the above, and I used this site as a platform for doing so. I put my feelings ahead of everything else. Satan put the bait in front of me, and I took it.

I failed the test; miserably. On that day, I stepped into my dry season, my desert. And I remained there for six weeks. (I know, that’s forty-two days, but who’s counting?)

In order of importance, The Seed of Hope ranks right behind God, Jackie, and my family. It has become my ministry. It is a gift from God. It is, quite simply, a huge part of my life.

I’ve apologized to God for what I did. I’ve apologized to the party that I, in my attempt to get even, offended.

It’s time now for me to offer an apology to you, for using this seed of hope, this gift from God, for my personal self-indulgence. You see, it’s the last step for me out of my own personal desert.

Thanks for visiting. I’m being showered with spiritual rain, and it’s beyond awesome, and I can’t wait to tell you more about coming out of the desert!

Where Did It Go?

Where’d it go?

For the past several weeks I’ve sat in front of this laptop to write a post for The Seed of Hope and thought “Where’d it go?”

A couple of weeks ago, Shane, a guy that had worked in our salon for years put in his last day with us, and I let him leave without saying goodbye and wishing him well. Later that night I found myself wondering “Where’d it go?”

I’ve walked into our salon each morning asking “Where’d it go?”

I’ve reached for my iPhone to text several of my closest friends, only to put it back in my pocket, and pondered “Where did it go?”

Morning after morning, day after day, in my prayer chair in our kitchen, I’ve questioned “Where’d it go?”

Last Wednesday night at church, standing amongst a couple of thousand hungry for God, soul searching Christians during the worship portion (singing) of the service, which is usually my favorite part, I was bewildered and near the point of shouting to the heavens “Where’d it go, God? Where’d it go?”

What did I lose?

Well, I lost my lust for life.

Before you go associating my lust with anything sexual, I want to share a definition found in the dictionary:

lust: a : an intense longing: CRAVING <a lust to succeed> b : ENTHUSIASM, EAGERNESS <admired his lust for life>

So when I tell you that I lost my lust for life, what I’m saying is that I lost my enthusiasm for writing, and for our salon. I lost my compassion for people; to be with them, and to love on ‘em. I lost the need for prayer.

Worst of all, and I mean the worst of all, was that I lost my craving for God. Perhaps that’s why, of all the words in the English language, I chose the word lust. You see, I don’t have just a desire to know Him, or to walk with Him, or to be filled with His Spirit. I don’t just seek His face, or want His presence. It’s like this: the more I get of Him, the more I want of Him. Enough is never enough. It’s just that simple. When that lust was gone, I knew that something was wrong.

So, what happened? Where’d it go?

Burnt Out

You ever used that term to describe the way you felt at a particular time in your life? Not tired, beat, done, or exhausted, but burnt out.

I did a little research on the subject, and this is an excerpt of what I found at www.Time-Management-Guide.com:

          Are you at risk of burnout syndrome?

Burnout is a chronic condition that happens when your body or mind can no longer cope with overwhelmingly high demands. You are trapped in a state of emotional exhaustion, and it is hard to get out of the state. You stop caring about what you do, even though you may feel guilty about the fact. Even if you still continue working, it seems hard to make progress. You hardly accomplish anything significant, and just go through the motions.

Sound familiar?

The burnout syndrome referenced above was actually about job related burnout, but in this instance I’d rather apply it to life in general. There are so many things in the world, and in our personal lives that cause burnout.

Careers, relationships, raising our kids, finances, dwindling retirement accounts, peer pressure, health issues, oil spills, commitments that we don’t need, and trying to make people happy are just a few challenges in our lives. The list goes on and on and on. I’m not trying to overwhelm you with negatives here, but to let you know that you’re not the only one with a lot of “junk” to deal with.

As that junk accumulates, and as our proverbial “plates” get more and more full, our perspective towards the things that are most important to us changes. And our minds trick us into believing that our hearts have changed.

I want to use the tongue as an analogy. Yep, that’s what I said; the tongue.

Or better yet, let’s talk about taste buds for a minute. You make wake up tomorrow morning to find that you detest the taste of a vegetable, or meat, or soft drink that you’ve liked since you were a kid. It’s happened to me before. How about you? What happened? Well, your taste buds changed.

Pardon my Southern slang, but there’s a whole lotta difference between our hearts and our taste buds. You don’t just wake up one morning to find that affairs of the heart, like love and compassion for others, or what you do in and with your life, or the things that you hold most dear, or especially your passion for God, have taken a back seat to other issues. Or that they just don’t matter much anymore. It just doesn’t happen that way.

It seems as though I have fallen prey to burnout syndrome, and to be quite honest with you, it caught up with me when I wasn’t looking. As I sit here and reflect on things, I shouldn’t really be surprised at all…

“Life comes at you fast.”

If you’ve missed it, that quote is a tagline for a major insurance company. Truer words were never spoken. Life does indeed come at you fast, and quite often it comes at you hard. If you turn away for a minute (at least it seems like just a minute), you turn back to face what’s in front of you and it has grown exponentially! The pile of “life stuff” that’s composed of what you’ve done and what you still have to do is so completely intimidating and overwhelming that it, well, it changes your heart. And it steals the joy out of the good things in life.

Today marks the beginning of a ten day vacation for my wife Jackie and me. As it has done so often in the past, time just slipped away from us. We haven’t had a vacation in two years.

When I finish this post, I’m gonna step away from this laptop, and my ambitions, and all of the stuff that’s piled up on my plate.

I’m gonna go spend some time with Jackie (she’s still my best friend after 21+ years of marriage), and I’m gonna get back in touch with my heart. I’m gonna get back in touch with God, and I know that when I do, I’m gonna find the joy, contentment, and peace that’s been missing for the last several weeks.

Then I’ll be back and ready to go, better than ever.

Until I “see” you again, be safe, be well, and may God bless you.