The Seed of Hope

JOY

You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures in your right hand. Psalm 16:11 NIV

I’ve stated several times on this site, and God only knows how many times in conversations that, “When it comes to serving God, I want to do it all!”

Lofty ambitions? You bet, but when it comes to serving the Lord, aiming high is all that I know.

Impossible to achieve? Probably…

The original thought behind my last post, Be still and know that I am God was to announce a halt, at least temporarily, to The Seed of Hope. I realized that I had made commitments to too many things and too many people, and a dinner invitation was the catalyst for it!

A friend had sent me an e-mail inquiring what may be the best night for my wife Jackie and I to accompany him and his wife to dinner. In responding to his request, I began flipping through my “mental datebook.” Let’s see…

Monday nights are reserved as “family dinner” nights for me, Jackie, and our two live-in ministry students, Brooke and Adrianna. We don’t mess with those. On Tuesday nights I co-lead a Bible study/fellowship men’s group for the first year ministry students at church. Wednesday night is church night. Thursday mornings begin with an hour long men’s group meeting in our salon at 6:30, and end that evening when Jackie and I leave the salon, hopefully no later 7:00 or 7:30. Friday evening marks the end of the work week, which gives me the weekend to be a husband, father, grandfather, and son, the latter three of which I’m failing miserably. Sundays are for church; always attending, sometimes serving.

Within the last two weeks I’d been given the opportunity to lead yet another group for men, to lead a mentoring program for young men attending a high school here in Birmingham, and to co-lead a Spa Night for mothers of critically ill children at Children’s Hospital with Jackie.

Mixed in with all of this is attempting to run a business, writing The Seed of Hope, and having an open door policy for anyone needing counsel, friendship, or prayer in the prayer room in our salon.

And somewhere in my schedule I have to find time to spend with the Lord, just me and Him. It’s not an option. It’s my daily bread.

Complaining?

I know it sounds like I’m complaining, but I’m not really. I asked God for all of this, for Him to open doors for me to reach people. I just didn’t know that He’d answer in such a big way.

Somewhere along the way I lost sight of the fact that I’m only human. And I lost something even more valuable that I’ll get to in a minute.

God’s way of reminding me of my human frailty was to stop me dead in my tracks with an unbelievably painful attack of Achilles Tendonitis.

Do you know the story of Achilles? He was a Greek hero of the Trojan War, and he was the central character in Homer’s Iliad. Achilles was a mighty warrior, a tough guy, a “bad boy” in today’s terminology. Legend has it that Achilles was for the most part invincible, except for a weakness that he had in his heel. The story goes that Achilles was shot in the heel by a poison arrow, which ultimately leads to his death.

For that reason, and to this day, the term “Achilles’ heel” has been used in defining an individual’s primary weakness. That being said, after my third flare-up of tendonitis in two months, I began to wonder if God was trying to tell me that I was overlooking a weakness; a flaw in my character, in my walk, in dealing with people, or in my spirituality.

Some of you may be shaking your heads at the notion of God giving me foot problems to get my attention. That’s all well and good; believe what you want. You can ring it up to coincidence that this last attack of tendonitis was so severe that, with the exception of going to church, I did absolutely nothing for five days but sit and reflect on me, my life, and God. Call it coincidence that when I was still because I had to be, and used that time for inner reflection, I realized a couple of things.

I can’t do it all.

In My Five, the last post of 2010, I suggested that you pick the five things that were closest to your heart, that were the most important to you, and devote your time and attention to working on those five before you did anything else. Ascribing to the adage that I should “practice what I preach”, I went about the business of making my own top five list.

Number one on my list, which I shared with you, was “To love and serve the Lord with all that is in me every day.” Today, some three months later, loving and serving the Lord is still on the top of my list. The problem arose in the fact that I tried to cram so many things, like writing The Seed of Hope, leading small groups, mentoring, counseling, praying with people and whatever else was on my heart into this one item.

It was a recipe for disaster. Oh, I still loved getting “plugged-in” with people, and going to church. And as always, if there was anything that I could do, in thought, word, or deed, to lead someone to the Lord, or to make their walk in life a bit better, I was the one that was blessed for it. But the joy that should have come with those blessings mysteriously vanished. In what seemed like the blink of an eye, serving God and others became, not a blessing, but a burden.

The joy was gone, and in its place was frustration. I became dissatisfied with our business, with my ministry, with our church, with everything. I was aware of the fact that I was frustrated, and I unsuccessfully tried to pray my way through it, which only served to make me even more frustrated. I reminded myself of a dog chasing its tail; running myself ragged, and getting absolutely nowhere. This went on for weeks.

Then I did something that seems to be so hard for men to do: I reached out for help. I called on my good friend Rusty, who I knew would listen to what was on my heart without judging me for it. I also knew that he would tell me, not necessarily what I wanted to hear, but what I needed to hear; which is exactly what he did. That, among other things, is what makes him a good friend.

My meeting with Rusty led to a meeting with one of his best friends, Keith, who also happens to be one of the Pastors at our church. (Can you see God working through all of this?) Keith, like Rusty, listened to what I had to say, and then, in no uncertain terms, told me what I needed to hear. He shot straight from the hip, and I walked away from our hour long conversation with my “wheels spinning” and my mind digging even deeper for the answer, Keith’s words echoing in my mind.

JOY

It came to me at four o’clock this morning. I sat up in bed with tears in my eyes and a huge hurt in my heart. What had been missing was JOY. Not the joy that comes from serving others or the joy that comes from writing, or mentoring, or even praying. What was missing was the unparalleled joy that comes from being with God, from being filled by the Holy Spirit, and from walking with Jesus every day.

The first time I felt that joy was when I was born again four and a half years ago. It was by God’s grace that I received it, that I had felt it, and that I got to walk with it in my heart every day. It was a gift; a gift that I had taken for granted. It was a gift that I had assumed would always be there.

You see, that joy was the wellspring of all that came after it; The Seed of Hope, the desire to serve God, this ministry that God has blessed me with, and the prayer room in our salon in which I’m sitting at this very moment. All of it was born of the joy that I found when I truly found God.

And now it’s gone. Oh, there are still some remnants of that joy that I was filled with until a few weeks ago, but it’s nothing like it was. When I finish this post I’m gonna get on my knees and ask God, beg God, to let me walk with that joy in my heart again.

You see, without His joy, I am nothing.

"...it's time to dream..."

I felt it the moment that I sent last week’s post, was blind but now I see into cyberspace for all to read. It was doubt, and it descended on me like a swarm of locusts at feeding time. That doubt has caused me to question my vision, my purpose, my church, my ministry, pretty much everything that I do, and my motives for doing it. I even contemplated pulling the plug on this site, with no explanation for my actions at all. How could I be filled with so much confidence in one moment and plagued by doubt in the next?

There are two possible explanations…

·         Satan

·         My lack of faith

In November of 2009 I was in Tampa, Florida to shoot a video about our salon’s “success story” for an Internet-based company located there. Much to my chagrin, and for reasons that were never given to me, the video was never released. I mention this because the disappointment associated with the company’s decision not to use the video was the primary reason for the delay in sharing this true story with you. Or maybe it just wasn’t the right time…

The night before the shoot I was having dinner at the home of the company’s President, Dennis and his wife Carolyn, the latter of whom I’d known for several years. At some point in the conversation Carolyn made a comment about the changes that had taken place, not only in our salon, but in me, since we’d met in 2006.

Nodding my head in agreement, I quickly rifled through my memory banks as I recalled all the changes that had indeed taken place in that three year period. Wow. God had really blessed us, and He had allowed me to grow more than I could have ever imagined.

I confided to Carolyn that while I’d learned to be bold in sharing what’s on my mind and in my heart, especially as it pertained to God, there was still one thing that I couldn’t get past; one doubt that was still nestled in the recesses of my mind.

“What’s that?” Carolyn questioned.

“Well,” I slowly responded, searching for the right words, “I believe that with God all things are possible. I can do anything with Him. But, I won’t allow myself to dream the big dream. I don’t know if it’s a result of years of disappointment, or the prayer for humility that I say each morning, or wanting to live my life according to what God wants me to do, or just wrapping my mind around the fact that it’s okay to dream. Whatever the reason, or reasons, I just can’t bring myself to do it. I won’t even allow myself to actually define what my big dream is.”

In the studio

The next morning I was in the studio shooting the video, and at some point I was talking about limitations that other people (quite often people that love and care for us, like our parents), put on us as children. Oh, I believe that their intentions are good. I’m also of the belief that quite often they’re really trying to protect us from the disappointments and hurts that we may get in life. We know, of course, that we’re gonna suffer through both, just as they did, and their parents before them, and their parents before them.

The worst part is that in trying to protect us from hurt, they’re also planting seeds of doubt that we’re not good enough, or worthy enough, or capable enough. We never learn how to dream, and consequently we never really wrap our minds around the fact that with God all things are possible.

I headed back to Birmingham that afternoon, satisfied with the video that we’d done, hoping that it would touch the lives of many, and wondering if it might lead to any other opportunities to speak to people.

Two days later Lorri, one of our clients, came into our hair salon for an appointment. I just happened to be behind the front desk, and upon seeing me, Lorri said “Hey, I’ve got a message for you.”

“Great. What is it?” I replied.

“I don’t want to give it to you right now, because I don’t know what it means. Why don’t you wait until Tangie applies my color, and then come find me? I’ll share it with you then.”

Fifteen minutes later, and filled with curiosity as to what my message may be, I took a seat next to Lorri in the color processing area of the salon. Seeing the Okay-I’m-waiting-for-you-to-tell-me look on my face, Lorri picked up where she’d left off earlier…

“Okay, God has laid something on my heart for me to share with you. In fact, He’s done it more than once. Like I said, I don’t know what it means, but I’m supposed to give it to you. Maybe you’ll know what it means.”

For a brief moment I was torn between wanting to hear what my message was, and not wanting to hear it at all! Perhaps that was due to Lorri’s eagerness to share it with me, tempered by her lack of understanding as to what it meant. “Okay, so what is it?” I asked with a bit of trepidation.

Lorri continued. “God wants me to tell you that it’s time to dream the big dream. You were born with visions of what God wanted you to do. You had big dreams. Then, when you were a child, you were lead to abandon those dreams. God is ready to use you, Sam. In fact, He’s waiting for you. It’s time for you to dream the big dream. Does that make any sense to you?”

Stunned. Overwhelmed. Speechless. Blown away. Taken aback.

You can select any or all of the above to describe my reaction to Lorri’s message for me. Obviously, the message made perfect sense to me. I believe that it was a direct message from God, and I believe that He used my friend Lorri to deliver it. I mean, how could she have possibly known what I’d said in a recording studio several hundreds of miles away?

There was no doubt in my mind that the message was from God. But was I ready to accept it, and more importantly, believe it?

Today…

It has been more than a year, sixteen months in fact, since Lorri delivered my message; since God told me that it was time to dream the big dream. I have to be honest in telling you that I still haven’t done it. Oh, He’s opened doors for me to reach out to others through The Seed of Hope, our church, speaking engagements, and most recently in the prayer room that we put in our salon last May.

But I still haven’t allowed myself to let my imagination run wild as to what I may be able to accomplish during my time on this earth. And every once in a while, I can almost feel Him tapping me on my shoulder and saying, “That’s good, but what about that message I sent to you over a year ago? Are you gonna do anything about it? Don’t you believe that I’m capable of making your wildest dreams come true? You’re always telling people that My plans for them are bigger than their dreams. And you also tell them to dream the big dream. Well, what are you waiting for? I’m waiting for you.”

Even as I write this, I’m filled with doubt. Perhaps it’s Satan trying to hold me back. After all, my biggest dreams have to do with growing God’s Kingdom. Maybe it’s that prayer for humility that I offer to God each morning. Could be that it’s me being my own worst enemy. Then again, maybe it’s God asking me to step up my faith in Him, to finally believe, without a doubt, that with Him all things are indeed possible; not just for other people, but for me too.

In just a moment I’m gonna put my biggest dreams on a piece of paper and give ‘em to God. All of ‘em. I’m not holding anything back. Will they come true? I have no idea. One thing I do know is that it won’t be because I was afraid of letting Him know what they were.

I’m dreaming the big dream.

Jeanette

Two weeks ago my wife Jackie and I, along with two other stylists from our salon, flew to Las Vegas for Symposium, a salon industry event attended by hair stylists and salon owners from around the world. (Don’t let the location, or any preconceived notions that you may have about the salon industry fool you. Symposium is a first-rate, no-expense-spared, professional event packed with two days of some of the best educational programs, artists, and educators in the world.)

The night before we left, Jackie and I were having a conversation about why we taking the time off and spending the money to go at all. Neither of us was really excited about the trip. I think more than anything else, it was the opportunity to catch up with many friends from various parts of the country that we hadn’t seen in a long time.

During the flight the next day, I was listening to worship music on my iPod and wondering what the weekend had in store for us. I remember asking God if there was something that He had in store for me other than what I was expecting, because He has a habit of doing that.

Grand Opening

The Grand Opening of Symposium was a spectacle of lights, pulsating music, and visual effects that set the tone of the weekend for the thousands in attendance. The charge of electricity coursing through the arena was palpable; I couldn’t help but get caught up in it, as did everyone sitting around us.

At one point in the program, a handful of salons were recognized for various awards. As the salon owners were being introduced to the audience for their respective awards, Shawna, one of our stylists that made the trip with us, asked “Why can’t we win one of those awards?”

Shawna’s question was like a punch in the gut. I sat there thinking about the fact that just a few years ago, our salon had been on the list of those that were being nominated for awards. Our meteoric rise to success with Redken had caught the attention of people throughout the corporation. In some circles, we were the “talk of the town”, as they say. But that was before…

God called.

When God first called on me to serve Him in 2007, I’ll admit that I resisted His call. You see, our still relatively new salon was something that I’d always dreamed of owning; a dream that I believed would never come true.

We had only been open for thirteen months when He began tugging on my heart. I loved God, and I loved sharing His message with others, but I loved our salon as well. And I actually tried to convince myself that I could serve Him and our salon with all that was in me. Quite honestly, I believe that I did a fairly decent job of serving both equally for quite a while. But I have to tell you that it was a real tug of war. And it wreaked havoc with any semblance of peace of mind that I had. It became obvious to me that the adage “You can’t serve two masters” is a true nugget of wisdom. I’m guessing that it’s obvious to you that God won the tug of war and I’m so grateful that He did, and that He didn’t give up on me.

The next morning Jackie and I were talking about the previous night, and Shawna’s question. At some point in our conversation Jackie looked at me and said, “Why can’t we win one of those awards? What’s missing?”

“The answer is simple.” I replied. “The truth is that one of our salon’s owners isn’t as dedicated to its success as he used to be. He’d rather serve God than chase dollars and awards. I’m sorry.”

Fighting back tears, and stepping up to me, Jackie said, “I’m so proud of you for how much you’ve changed, and who you’ve become, and what you do.” For the next few moments we just stood there and held on to each other. I knew that I didn’t have to be sorry. But…

The tug of war was on again.

For the next two days I toyed with the idea of once again trying to serve God and our salon with equal fervor. I figured that I had done it before with a moderate amount of success, so why shouldn’t I be able to do it again?

There was something growing in me that I hadn’t felt in a long, long time. It was envy, and it was rearing its ugly head. I would speak to other very successful salon owners, and wonder “They’re good people. Why can’t I have what they have?”

The next thing I knew, “sugar-plum fairies” disguised as dollar bills were dancing in my head! I wanted the sweet taste of financial success, and all that came with it. I was calculating ways in which I could allot my time so that I might be all that I should be for God, my family, my church, my ministry (At the urging of several friends I’ve accepted the fact that The Seed of Hope, the prayer room in our hair salon, and my efforts to share God’s love with others has evolved into a ministry.), and our salon. I mean, serving God didn’t have to be the center of my life, did it? After all, we’re fifty-eight years old and are nowhere near having enough money to retire on and live comfortably. I kept telling myself that “I’m just gonna have to change what I do, and when I do it. God will understand. This tug of war is over.”

God was listening.

It was the last night of our stay in Vegas, and we decided to have dinner at a restaurant that was farther than we cared to walk from our hotel. We hailed a taxi, and when it pulled up, Jackie, Shawna, and Katie (the fourth member of our party) piled into the back seat. I took a seat in the front with the driver.

The first thing I noticed was that our cabbie was a woman. (I mention this only because I’ve never had a female taxi driver.) The next thing was that she had long dark hair, a dark complexion, and an accent that sounded as if she were from the Middle East. She was wearing a big smile. And she liked to talk. Her name was Jeanette.

After answering Jeanette’s questions about where we were from, what we did for a living, what brought us to Las Vegas, and how we were enjoying our trip, she turned to me and asked, “So, how are you doing?”

My usual response is “I’m awesome!” and that’s almost what I said. But I didn’t. Something told me not to. Instead, I replied “I’m blessed. God gave me another day.”

“You’re right!” Jeanette replied. “And so many people take that for granted.”

Wondering where this was going, I asked, “So where are you from, Jeanette?”

I was a little disappointed when she answered “Iran.” I just knew that this was gonna be one of those“God-appointed moments,” but I apparently I was wrong. Several seconds passed when Jeanette added, “But I’m a Christian.”

BAM! The real conversation began. The next five minutes were filled with Jeanette and me cramming in as much about God, and spirituality, and life as we could in the short time that we had together. It was amazing. What were the odds of a salon owner from Alabama with God in his heart getting into a taxi driven by a Christian from Iran, in Las Vegas?

Knowing that our time was coming to an end, and reaching for my card holder, I asked Jeanette if she got on the Internet. She told me that she had a computer, but that she didn’t really have the time. Undaunted, I handed her a Seed of Hope card, told her what it was about, and suggested that she take the time to check it out.

“Oh my God. Oh my God. This…this is wonderful, what you’re doing. Oh my God.” Jeanette said while fighting back tears. To this day, I still don’t know what it was that touched Jeanette so deeply. Perhaps it was a confirmation from God for a prayer that she’d been saying. Perhaps there was a sorrow in her heart that was that was awakened in our conversation. I just didn’t know, and I never had the opportunity ask. All too quickly, we had arrived at our destination.

When we got out of the taxi, Jeanette walked around and hugged each one of us, beginning with Jackie and ending with me. As I held her in my arms I whispered softly in her ear “You know that God put us together for a reason. I don’t know the reason for your tears, but God will take care of anything, if you’ll let Him.” I gave her a kiss on the cheek as we stepped away from one another. Waving goodbye and bidding us well, Jeanette got into her taxi and drove off into the night.

I still don’t know why God put me in Jeanette’s path, but I’m sure that she does. I do know why He put her in my path. He was reminding me that sharing His love with others fills my heart with more joy and satisfaction than all the money in the world.

He won the tug of war. I’m back in the salon, sitting in our prayer room, sharing what’s on my heart with you. He’s at the center of my life. He gets priority over the salon; today, tomorrow, and all the days that are to come. Next are Jackie and our family, followed by my ministry, and a group of young adults in our church that mean the world to me. The salon gets what’s left. We’ll be as successful as He wants us to be.

No more tug of war.

Thanks, Jeanette.