The Seed of Hope

A Strange Place

A Strange Place

I’m in a strange place…

I’m in a room with no light, yet it isn’t dark.

I’m standing in a crowd of people, yet no one is there.

Everything around me looks familiar, yet nothing is the same.

I have so much to say and so much to share, yet the words I need are elusive and seemingly just beyond my “mind’s eye.”

I know that God is in my heart, yet I don’t feel His presence.

I’m me, but I’m not me. I’m afraid. I’m frustrated. I’m alone. I’m sad. I’m desperately trying to get out of this strange place. I’m trying to get back on the path; the path that’s illuminated by His light. I’ve been this way, been in this strange place, for the last month. I long to feel the way that I’ve felt for the last four years, since that day in August of 2006 when I was born again.

“GOD, where are You?” I cry out, trapped in my self-made mental prison.

What happened?

I blamed where I was, and how I felt, on being “burned out.” I’d been working hard, and had extended myself a bit too much, or as some like to say, I had “spread myself a bit too thin.” We’d had several personnel changes in our business. We hadn’t had a vacation in two years. Between my wife Jackie, and our family, and work, and church, and The Seed of Hope, there never seemed to be time for rest. Oh, did I forget to mention chasing after God every day, trying to love Him more, and to know Him more, and to see His face more, and to serve Him more? And along the way, trying to be the best Christian that I could possibly be, which we know isn’t always that easy?

Yep, I was burned out, plain and simple.

Eleven days away from our salon, off with Jackie, and spending some time with our family, would do the trick. There would be some quiet time, which meant time for reflection and prayer. I’d reconnect with God, and rekindle that flame for Him that always burns inside, and everything would be great.

A couple of days off and I’d be good as new. I’d crank out some stuff for The Seed of Hope and tell you how great I felt, and how good life was, and how I’d found the compassion that was missing, and how I’d recaptured my “lust for life.”

Guess what?

It didn’t happen.

Don’t get me wrong; it was such a blessing to be “unplugged” and away with Jackie for a while, as it always is. God certainly smiled on me when He put Jackie in my life…

During that time we were able to visit our son Brian and his wife Christina in Virginia, and upon our return spend some time at the lake with our younger son Christian, his wife Amber, and our grandchildren Stephen and Isabella. We had a great time with all of them, made some lasting memories, and experienced several “Kodak Moments.”

There was indeed time for reading, prayer, and meditation.  

We even had the opportunity to host a small church group in our home on Saturday night, and then attend church with our kids the next day. I’ll admit that I did indeed feel God’s presence during both, but not with the intensity that I’ve become accustomed to. And soon as each came to a close, the feeling of God’s nearness was gone. Just like that.

“What’s going on?” I asked time after time. “Have I done something wrong?” “Have I lost my passion for God completely?” “Did someone put a curse on my prayer chair?” “Am I missing something here?”

If you’re thinking that I was alarmed, well, you’re exactly right! I was very alarmed. You see, I remember what it’s like to walk without God’s presence, and I can’t even bring myself to think about my life without Him in it.

The last day…

Today is Tuesday, the last day of our vacation. I woke up at 5:15 this morning to attend a men’s small group through church that meets in our salon each week at 6:15. I went to that small group still looking for the answer to the question “God, where are you?”

I felt God’s presence during the meeting, but again, without the intensity to which I’ve become accustomed. And just as before, when the meeting was over the feeling was gone.

I went back home to have coffee with Jackie, and to share our reading of today’s passages from The One Year Bible guide published by Church of the Highlands here in Birmingham. I was hoping to find a nugget of truth in The Word that might provide some answers to my questions. No such luck; the readings were from 1 Chronicles, Acts, Psalms, and Proverbs. While I enjoying reading all of the passages, none of them gave me any insight into my problem.

Next I turned to The One Year walk with God Devotional, written by Chris Tiegreen. I actually needed to read the messages from the past two days, because we didn’t take the time to read them yesterday.

Both days were devoted to the same passage, Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, and despite its length, I’m gonna share all of it with you.

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:

a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace.

Thank you Solomon for writing Ecclesiastes.

Thank you, Chris Tiegreen, for writing The One Year walk with God.

Thank you God, for leading me to both writings.

A Dry Season

If you think about the passage for a moment, you’ll realize that there is indeed a time, a season for everything, and with those seasons, come change. While some of the “times” mentioned may not apply to us literally, they all certainly do in a figurative sense; all of them. Some of these seasons are filled with God’s Abundance, and oh so sweet, while some are everything but.

I’ve heard of people going through spiritual “dry seasons.” During these times, prayers don’t seem to be as powerful, meaningful, or in many cases, necessary at all. Relationships suffer. Life isn’t as “sweet.” Priorities change. God seems to be distant.

Hmmm…

I believe, (and I pray that I’m right) that I’m going through one of those dry seasons right now. The funny thing is that every time I heard warnings about dry seasons, I always thought “That’ll never happen to me. I pray every morning, and I go after God every day, and I’m a soldier of Christ, and I’m a light that shines for Him, and I’m always vigilant against attacks from the enemy.”

Yet here I sit, in my prayer chair, struggling to get through this now identified dry season. At least I know what it is! God is still here…with me…in me. I haven’t done anything wrong. I haven’t lost my passion for Him, or my love for people. I’m not missing anything.

And I’m not giving any credit to Satan for this. I didn’t stumble, or fall, or go astray. This is not his handiwork at all.

What I’m going through right now is a gift from God. He has seen fit to give me another season of change, and when I get through this (I will get through it!) I’m gonna be one step closer to Him and one step closer to fulfilling His plan for me.

I apologize for the length of today’s post, but as is often the case, as I’ve written I’ve learned even more about myself, life, and God’s Way.

And if I haven’t done so in a while, I want to thank you for accompanying me on this journey. And I pray that, even if in a very small way, it helps you on yours.

See you next week!

Where Did It Go?

Where’d it go?

For the past several weeks I’ve sat in front of this laptop to write a post for The Seed of Hope and thought “Where’d it go?”

A couple of weeks ago, Shane, a guy that had worked in our salon for years put in his last day with us, and I let him leave without saying goodbye and wishing him well. Later that night I found myself wondering “Where’d it go?”

I’ve walked into our salon each morning asking “Where’d it go?”

I’ve reached for my iPhone to text several of my closest friends, only to put it back in my pocket, and pondered “Where did it go?”

Morning after morning, day after day, in my prayer chair in our kitchen, I’ve questioned “Where’d it go?”

Last Wednesday night at church, standing amongst a couple of thousand hungry for God, soul searching Christians during the worship portion (singing) of the service, which is usually my favorite part, I was bewildered and near the point of shouting to the heavens “Where’d it go, God? Where’d it go?”

What did I lose?

Well, I lost my lust for life.

Before you go associating my lust with anything sexual, I want to share a definition found in the dictionary:

lust: a : an intense longing: CRAVING <a lust to succeed> b : ENTHUSIASM, EAGERNESS <admired his lust for life>

So when I tell you that I lost my lust for life, what I’m saying is that I lost my enthusiasm for writing, and for our salon. I lost my compassion for people; to be with them, and to love on ‘em. I lost the need for prayer.

Worst of all, and I mean the worst of all, was that I lost my craving for God. Perhaps that’s why, of all the words in the English language, I chose the word lust. You see, I don’t have just a desire to know Him, or to walk with Him, or to be filled with His Spirit. I don’t just seek His face, or want His presence. It’s like this: the more I get of Him, the more I want of Him. Enough is never enough. It’s just that simple. When that lust was gone, I knew that something was wrong.

So, what happened? Where’d it go?

Burnt Out

You ever used that term to describe the way you felt at a particular time in your life? Not tired, beat, done, or exhausted, but burnt out.

I did a little research on the subject, and this is an excerpt of what I found at www.Time-Management-Guide.com:

          Are you at risk of burnout syndrome?

Burnout is a chronic condition that happens when your body or mind can no longer cope with overwhelmingly high demands. You are trapped in a state of emotional exhaustion, and it is hard to get out of the state. You stop caring about what you do, even though you may feel guilty about the fact. Even if you still continue working, it seems hard to make progress. You hardly accomplish anything significant, and just go through the motions.

Sound familiar?

The burnout syndrome referenced above was actually about job related burnout, but in this instance I’d rather apply it to life in general. There are so many things in the world, and in our personal lives that cause burnout.

Careers, relationships, raising our kids, finances, dwindling retirement accounts, peer pressure, health issues, oil spills, commitments that we don’t need, and trying to make people happy are just a few challenges in our lives. The list goes on and on and on. I’m not trying to overwhelm you with negatives here, but to let you know that you’re not the only one with a lot of “junk” to deal with.

As that junk accumulates, and as our proverbial “plates” get more and more full, our perspective towards the things that are most important to us changes. And our minds trick us into believing that our hearts have changed.

I want to use the tongue as an analogy. Yep, that’s what I said; the tongue.

Or better yet, let’s talk about taste buds for a minute. You make wake up tomorrow morning to find that you detest the taste of a vegetable, or meat, or soft drink that you’ve liked since you were a kid. It’s happened to me before. How about you? What happened? Well, your taste buds changed.

Pardon my Southern slang, but there’s a whole lotta difference between our hearts and our taste buds. You don’t just wake up one morning to find that affairs of the heart, like love and compassion for others, or what you do in and with your life, or the things that you hold most dear, or especially your passion for God, have taken a back seat to other issues. Or that they just don’t matter much anymore. It just doesn’t happen that way.

It seems as though I have fallen prey to burnout syndrome, and to be quite honest with you, it caught up with me when I wasn’t looking. As I sit here and reflect on things, I shouldn’t really be surprised at all…

“Life comes at you fast.”

If you’ve missed it, that quote is a tagline for a major insurance company. Truer words were never spoken. Life does indeed come at you fast, and quite often it comes at you hard. If you turn away for a minute (at least it seems like just a minute), you turn back to face what’s in front of you and it has grown exponentially! The pile of “life stuff” that’s composed of what you’ve done and what you still have to do is so completely intimidating and overwhelming that it, well, it changes your heart. And it steals the joy out of the good things in life.

Today marks the beginning of a ten day vacation for my wife Jackie and me. As it has done so often in the past, time just slipped away from us. We haven’t had a vacation in two years.

When I finish this post, I’m gonna step away from this laptop, and my ambitions, and all of the stuff that’s piled up on my plate.

I’m gonna go spend some time with Jackie (she’s still my best friend after 21+ years of marriage), and I’m gonna get back in touch with my heart. I’m gonna get back in touch with God, and I know that when I do, I’m gonna find the joy, contentment, and peace that’s been missing for the last several weeks.

Then I’ll be back and ready to go, better than ever.

Until I “see” you again, be safe, be well, and may God bless you.

Inviting Him in...

Inviting Him in…

Wouldn’t you agree that it’s common courtesy to welcome an invited guest into our homes when they arrive for dinner, or maybe a party? I mean, after all, we invited them, right? It all began with an invitation to join us.

I wonder how many of us do the same thing with God. We invite Him into our lives, and into our hearts, and we long to feel His presence in us. How about our homes? Do we invite Him in?

Danna’s text.

A couple of weeks ago I received a text message from Danna, a good friend and awesome Christian that just so happens to be a member of Church of The Highlands here in Birmingham, which also just happens to be the same church that my wife Jackie and I attend!

Danna’s text read:

Hi! I have a problem!!! It’s a good problem, but a problem nonetheless! I’ve had to get the church to take my summer group off of the list because it’s wayyyy past full! ….I have 18 participants and only a 2 br condo in the Narrows! I’m having serious space constraints! Any chance you or anyone you know in the area would be willing to open your home to us for the first two sessions until we can get a feel for how many will actually come????

My first reaction to Danna’s text was to pretend that I’d never gotten it!

You see, for the previous ten months Jackie and I had been home sponsors to a ministry student from North Carolina, and I had served as the co-leader of the Hospitality Team at one of our satellite church campuses. I had recently given up my position at the church a couple of weeks earlier, and our ministry student had moved back to North Carolina just two days before I received Danna’s text message! Jackie and I were ready to be empty-nesters for a few months, and I was ready to have a Sunday with no “commitments”.

Then I get this text message from Danna! I told her that we’d pray on it, and at the same time search for someone that could host her small group for six weeks. Truth be told, Jackie and I had already made the decision not to host our own small group because of the time, preparation, and commitment that accompanied it.

True to my word, Jackie and I prayed for clarity. Strangely enough, I don’t know that we actually talked about what we should do. We’ve been married for over twenty-one years, and we’re so closely linked that at times one of knows what the other is thinking!

The time for a decision was drawing near (the first meeting was two days away). Jackie and I were in the bathroom getting ready for work, and it was one of those moments when I was gonna ask her a question, and she knew what it was gonna be and had the answer ready before the last word passed over my lips….

“So, are we gonna tell Danna that….”

“Of course we’re gonna have it here. But make it clear that it’s just for this one time.”

“Awesome!” I replied.

I sent a text to Danna and informed her of our decision to open our home “to a bunch of God-seeking Christians….” And I emphasized that the offer was just for one week. We didn’t want any more commitments.

In Prayer…

Everyone was invited to show up at our home at 5:30 on Saturday evening. The plan was to have thirty minutes of introductions and fellowship, which would be followed by dinner. Brian, another member of our group, would lead us in worship (song), and then we were going to watch a 10 minute video on discipleship. This would be followed by a group discussion on the topic. We’d close the evening out in prayer.

Danna arrived around 4:30 with the food. We spent a few minutes setting things up, and then the three of us (Jackie, Danna, and me) sat down at the kitchen table to offer prayers for the needs of our group, and to ask God to help us as leaders.

I remember inviting God into our home, asking that His presence fill every square inch of it…to make it a sanctuary for those seeking Him, for those in need of Him. I asked Him to make our home worthy of Him…

Our guests began arriving at the appointed time…

Let me just get to the point here.

It was an amazing evening. It was a powerful evening. God showed up! I could feel His presence. I could sense the Holy Spirit touching lives, opening eyes and ears, and softening hearts. There was an anointing in our home; the presence of God was so strong that it was palpable.

I was so humbled and grateful that God had come into our home to touch the lives of those seeking Him. And I sat there, tears welling up in my hearts as a lump formed in my throat, thinking about the path that God had lead me down, and all the changes that had taken place in my life, that allowed me to even consider our home to be worthy of His presence.

Why hadn’t I invited Him in sooner?

Fear.

Foolish fear. Unfounded fear.

Every day I invite God into my life, into my heart, and into my mind. Why wouldn’t I invite Him into our home? Did I really think that He might see something that He didn’t already know was there? Or that inviting Him into our home would be an invasion of our privacy? If I invited Him in would I have to be more accountable for my every thought, word, and deed while I was at home?

It’s my belief that you already know the answer to those questions. Besides, why would He need an invitation anyway? Isn’t He everywhere?

Yes, He’s everywhere. He is our Omni-Present God. There’s no place that He’s not!

Let me ask you something…

Have you found yourself in the position of being an uninvited guest? Perhaps you tagged along with a friend to a party that you weren’t invited to attend. Or been in a group where you felt like the proverbial “fifth wheel”? Or hung out with some people where you just really didn’t fit in? You can relate to at least one of these, can’t you? In each of those situations, you just wanted to feel welcomed, right?

Maybe, just maybe, God is waiting for you to invite Him in. Perhaps he doesn’t want to feel like the unwelcomed guest.

Every heart is worthy of His presence. So is every mind. And so is every home.

Invite Him in. I promise you that He’ll show up!

See you next week.

Oh, I almost forgot to tell you.

As you may or may not know, every day I ask God to allow me to be a light that shines for Him. Every day.

I’ve come to realize that a shining light is wasted if there’s no one there to see it. Before the end of that very first night, Jackie and I made the decision to open up our home to our small group for the remaining five weeks. And of course, we invited God to come too. J